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jolene, i'm not about to go straight, its too late [1:45PM]
i am floating along, and suddenly, it is dark and I feel scared for no apparent reason. when the sun shine returns, i find myself renewed.

i thought i might kill myself two days ago: [3:27PM]
and when i woke up this morning, i said, "i guess i just have to jump back in."

cleaning the house tonight. starting to pack, move out of my home for the last year. i'll miss it. but: maybe the time to be transient and hopeful has finally arrived. and maybe, if i'm lucky, i'l lstart living again, and never look back.

christ: [5:05PM]
let's try this again.

and maybe [10:25AM]
i just feel sad.

limbo [1:36AM]
i look so different from that picture up there.

i remember where it was taken, and when. the strangest thing about this island, out of all of those things we talk about, is that most things that happen off of it fall into a category of dreams and leftovers.

i am realizing this now, and then ill change the picture. later. when i have fully processed and caught up with myself. i think it goes something like, "an artist who is working as a dancer." somehting like that, but im not quite sure yet.

"on the count of five, i will snap my fingers, and you will wake up." [12:09AM]
[ mood | tired ]

and when you wake up, you will be the person you have always wanted to be. you will be yourself.

knees weak, eyes weary [9:25PM]
[ mood | tired ]

i am SO TIRED.
and this is the first time i have sat on my bed in days, and i am remarkably surprised at how easily i am coming back into my own life.

but still tired. and full of hope and youth, as well.
and pretty alright with being by myself.

07.12.07 or (07.09.007 [8:29AM]
[ mood | nervous ]

Pallbearers were usually associated in an intimate manner 
(such as brother, uncle, son, grandson, father, or husband - pallbearers are not always male, but male pallbearers are the most common due to better upper body strength for carrying the heavy casket
with the deceased before their death, though this is not always the case. 

(tonight could break us all maybe, if we don't keep our eyes open and look at his life)

my stepbrother is dead & [9:09AM]
[ mood | crushed ]

look for the car in this news story. and i picture him in it and it is just so fucked up.

and it makes me think and my heart heavy.

hey: [11:01PM]
[ mood | tired ]

Check-Check-Check it: good for planet earth.
RIP Dylan, We'll miss you.

in other news: i'm bushed.

ugggggggghhhhhharrrrriooiovchofhdoufiaudiwmne. [9:05AM]
[ mood | H(ung)OVA ]

ouch. my head.

(oh and I'm beginning to think this might not be the way to last as a 40 year lover, this musn't be the way we were made to live.)

i don't care to say what i failed to recognize [12:45PM]
[ mood | curious ]

and it's always nice
to be surprised in a way you hadn't expected.


the view will be brilliant, my feet will be flat [5:13PM]
[ mood | hopeful ]

i'm trying, and i'm sliding down these tubes [11:53PM]
[ mood | aggravated ]

i need the sky to let go right now, i need to feel that on my own skin.

29 [11:35PM]
firewerks tonight guys.

the smoke blew over my house, it smelled of sulphur and snagged the moonlight.

ver-dict (n): [12:38PM]
[ mood | creative ]

it's been almost a year,
but i think i'm back.

so remembering means: [11:52AM]
[ mood | recovering ]

that i have realized i have more to live for now, and doing things as destructive as i did in the 11th grade simply no longer suits me.
and in the most honest statement of the past 6 months: i was really quite scared.

OH.AND.ALSO: july 4th, my house, raging cookout/party. come one come all, and especially, :


[ mood | blazed FACE ]

so i say, "ineedyoutobereadyforanightofhavoc", and monica's reply?
:"what shoes should i wear?"

i love my apartment more than words.

and may i just point out: [1:34PM]
[ mood | good ]

kayaking at midnight in the bay when it is foggy is something every one of you must try. it' like going into a whole new galaxy.

p.s. be sure to smoke a blunt after.

let's just be honest:
i'm hornier than you are.

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